Like nothing matters.
Cold, dark and weakened to the bone.
Sometimes I find myself spiralling into a circle of depressing thoughts, just to feel something, anything.
It's just.. you know the feeling you get when you're truly in love with someone? Like, when you can't ever seem to catch your breath, your stomach aches, and you find it really easy to get extremely emotional over nothing.
At one point, you're jumping around singing like Mary Poppins, and a few minutes later you're feeling like a plane crash.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I find it easier to deal with my emotions when they're written down.
I had an assignment a while ago, where I had to write about the biggest thing in my life. It was kinda hard to point out one specific moment, so I decided to write about my childhood and teenage years.
Of course I wouldn't be the first individual to whine about parents screwing me up; I we all have some sort of baggage with us.
Lets just say it wasn't a dance on a colourful rainbow. Quite the opposite actually.
I won't go any deeper into this, because the point is: I had no trouble at all when writing it all down, and did it rather quickly and with ease.
But when it came to reading it out loud in class, in front of 20 or so classmates, I had a total breakdown and cried all the way through. I'm surprised they could even hear the words coming out of my mouth, as I sobbed my way through the text, almost choking on every word.
I guess I first realised what I had gone through, when it was in front of me.
Never really dealt with it in any way, and I hadn't talked about it with anyone before.
The feeling after reading it was fantastic though. Best thing I ever did.
Felt like removing a 30kg backpack after a long walk. And I haven't worn it since then :P
Writing is a drug for me. I use it to let go of emotions, and to clear my mind by putting my thoughts on paper, and it really helps.
Aaaaaand picture time:
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